I thought that maybe I would try expressing myself through writing, but what I learned is that writing is not the way that I'm most "myself." I don't really like writing. It feels like a chore, an assignment, a challenge that I don't even want.

Reading, on the other hand, is pure joy. You can't keep me away from devouring new information. I'm a reader, not a writer and I'm gonna let myself be okay with this.

I allow my happiness through reading! I love finding new points of view. I love learning about myself through exploring my reactions to what I am reading. I love hearing something I've felt be put to words by someone else and then recognizing my own thoughts in a whole new way. More than anything, I love telling others about things that I have read that I think they might enjoy or benefit from. Other than giving a brief summary or highlighting the points that I think pertain to the person with whom I'm sharing, though, I like to let others do the reading themselves. I have no interest in writing a review or in trying to explain the whole thing for someone else. I love the discussions we can have after we've both read a piece when we can then each bring our own ideas together.

I was trying to love the idea of writing, but it just seems to take me away from who I really am...a reader and a disseminator of the wonderful information that I love. For this, I've found more of a niche using Twitter. To me, that's fun! Sorting through the wonderful stuff that is out there, meeting great people (some like-minded, some not so much ~all interesting), learning, growing, playing and sharing. That's what I thought I would be doing through blogging, but it turns out that, for now at least, Twitter is more my thing.

So, I'll be leaving the blogging to those of you who do it so well. Your passion for sharing brings me much joy. A million thanks to all of you! Keep up the great work. I, however, will be allowing my happiness by returning my focus to what I love and releasing this blog that has been feeling like an obligation and a failing. In closing, I've gotta say...the relief is enormous!!

(addendum:  I will occasionally still be writing short, Abraham-Hicks related posts on the HappinessFresno page)
 
 

And the day came
when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
 
Anais Nin

I've always loved the above quote. In part, because I was excitedly anticipating the day when it would feel easy and natural to "blossom." For whatever reason, though, I'm still not there. At least not in the way that I envisioned.

I look forward to the day when writing is fun, the words flow and sharing seems normal. Someday I will quit hiding behind a screen name and an avatar and just be ME. I can feel that this is all getting closer, and I'm content where I am, but I am a little perplexed that I'm not already there.

This journey has given me a new appreciation for all of the courageous and generous bloggers out there who share themselves so freely and prolifically. I look forward to finding my voice, my unique value and joining the game.
 
First Post! 06/14/2009
 

Embarking on this new adventure with excitement and trepidation. Putting myself out there hasn't been my style, but I think it is probably one of those things that I do that keeps happiness at bay, so here I go.

I am no longer going to do that thing, this thing,  one of several things, that I do that I let hinder me from allowing happiness.

This will entail a releasing of "protection" beliefs regarding privacy and sharing. I can feel that the resistance of freedom is also entangled with these. Something around a release of privacy bringing freedom which naturally allows happiness. I can feel that there is a gripping or tightness in privacy that releases into ease when I imagine letting go and just being, without an attachment to privacy, while at the same time not feeling attached to other's perceptions or expectations. This is all a little free-form right now. I look forward to seeing where I go with all of this.